Help Me Edit... ya its some random story i created for a school project and i have more on my computer but lets take one step at a time... i am very proud of this
(we had to read in groups in my summer school class and after i had gotten 2 pages though it i noticed that everyone went quite.. and i was the only one talking... ya apperently i was either A: to loud or B: had a good story [im geussing B
] and i ended up reading the whole story to the entire class, after that everyone clapped for me
well now they want me to finish it, and i need to edit it first, this part has been partly edited but the rest after this isnt at all.. so help? anyone?
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Death, it’s a word people hear often, a bit too often in Peters perspective. Peter wants to understand the meaning of this gloomy word, for he doesn’t understand its meaning. Why do people use such evil words? And why do they use it so often? So Peter decided to go out on another adventure past all the lands known to him to see the great wizard of all meaning. Peter started off by getting out his trusty map, in the year 2706 AD at his home world of Harmenage this is a map that seems magical. The map shows you the path you want to follow just as you open it up. His dark green eyes bulged out when he saw he was going threw the Enchanted Forest, Lands of Brown, Horet Cave, and lastly the Land of Revolt. Most people hated the Land of Revolt because of the strange people who never followed rules and didn’t go normal things, so Peter also didn’t like this land from the horrible stories his mom used to tell him about the land.
Peter started packing his bag, “what would I need for this adventure?” He wondered to himself, he knew his parents didn’t like his adventures. They call them silly immature and lastly dangerous put Peter didn’t care he wanted to go and have some fun
every once in a while. “So what to bring? Well I need to bring a flash light! That for sure and some things to sleep with like my portable tent then some food, matches for a fire, and finally his journal. After he packed all of his things he decided its time to set off on his adventure before it got dark.
Peter started his journey and headed for the start of it, the Enchanted Forest, and at first there wasn’t much to see. It just looked like an ordinary forest, fairly easy to pass through. But after about three hours of walking into the forest he started to notice some weird things. He saw the trees getting bigger, matter of fact everything looks bigger, he looked like an ant, and he even felt like one being so small. “Man everything’s so big!
Hope I never actually meet an ant” he thought to himself feeling frightened. Well now Peter knew why it was called the Enchanted Forest because everything is enchanted to be so big! Just then everything went dark and Peter looked up to see a leaf as big as a car dropping right where he was standing. Peter ran with all of his might forward tell he heard a soft “thud” as the leaf landed inches behind him.
“This definitely isn’t a safe place that for sure” he said to himself out loud “well good thing it isn’t the fall right now, then I would be in big trouble”
“Yes you would!” He heard a small voice right in front of him. “I mean the fall is dangerous” it continued as Peter strained his eyes to see what he was missing. “What are
you doing way out here? On a journey I see.” It kept going on.
“Okay I give up! Where are you?” Peter shouted.
“Right below you” the voice came again. Peter looked down and saw a little creature, obviously a boy; it had a bright blue shirt, two legs, white pants, and wings like a fairy. Before Peter could ask what the creature was it said “I’m a sairy, like a fairy but bigger.”
“Yah, I kind of figured that everything in this forest dose seem a lot bigger.”
“You mean enchanted!” as the sairy cut him off.
“Yah that too, do you want to help me get out? I’m trying to find my way to the other side of the forest, and well I’m sort of lost.”
“Sure, sure, sure!” The sairy responded “I looove to make new friends! I haven’t had a new friend for one, two three, four, four days! Peter giggled at the sairy then felt a little embarrassed of acting like a girl. “So do you have a name there?” questioned Peter. “of a matter of factly I do! I am Shen the great sairy of, well I’m a sairy!” Responded Shen.
So then Shen took Peter for a walk for another hour until they reached the biggest tree of them all. “This is the papa tree! The one biggest of them all, and the one that I live in! You can stay with me tonight,” Shen said. Well Peter sort of figured it was the biggest of all trees, because it was ten times bigger than the rest of the trees and was so tall that he couldn’t even see the top of the tree. It was one of the most wonderful things that he ever looked at. Then Peter and Shen walked up to the tree to find a door and went inside the tree. When Peter entered he saw the biggest of all living areas. He saw hundreds of sairy’s that all seemed to be busy with something or another. Peter then noticed that they where all so busy that they didn’t even seem to notice that Peter was even there. So Peter began to ask Shen when Shen said “There’s a festival going on” Peter then stared in awe at all of the going-on’s.
After about an hour Shen and Peter settled down in his room, they both decided to go out and eat at the festival. The first thing that Peter saw was a 400 foot table that was completely covered with food. Here and there was a sairy putting more food on the table or sitting down. Shen decided that they should go and sit down at the far end of the table to eat, then not five minuets after they had sat down all of the rest of the sairy’s sat down and Peter heard a thunderous voice start “Welcome to the feast of the day! This was made possible by…” as Peter started off not listening to the speech. “Well just a bunch of thank you’s nothing interesting” Peter thought to himself. Then all of a sudden he heard “… And special thanks to Peter, whom is the first guest who is here tonight for the first time scene the year of 2026, almost 700 years ago when the human first landed on this planet of wonders.” Peter than heard a long cheer from the thousands of sairy’s there. Peter the first guess for 700 years! There must not be very many people that travel this far into the Enchanted Forest. “That’s all for today dig in!” The thunderous voice trailed off as many of the sairy’s quickly started to eat. To Peter’s surprise the food was great and he ended up eating until he couldn’t eat anymore.
After dinner Shen took peter to where his house was and then Peter quickly fell asleep on a giant white feathered bed. Peter woke up the next morning to be surprised by Shen “Quickly eat some breakfast!” as Shen handed Peter a bagel and juice “there’s a storm coming. And it’s said to take a week to pass, if you don’t continue your journey now you have to stay here for a week all rained out.” Then Shen showed a big frown that made Peter look at him awkwardly. Then Peter understood that if the leaves and trees here are so big how big must the rain drops be? Then Peter got his stuff ready and then was within five minuets ready to take off again. So then Peter and the sairy did about a four hour walk before they finally came to a clearing.
“This is as far as I go!” said Shen
“Why do you have to stay here?” Peter questioned
“Yep! Yep! I have to stay here and get home before it rains so that I can help the rest of the sairy’s before it rains!” Then without warning Shen
buzzed off back into the forest leaving Peter alone once again.
“Hum… What a nice strange little guy” Peter said quietly to himself. “Well, the map said that now I have to go though the Fields of Brown, and well everything here is brown this must be it! I have to go ask the wizard why there are such evil things as death and I have to go though here to get to him.” So Peter started to walk off into the Fields of Brown. The Fields of Brown are quite slow, boring, and of course brown “there isn’t much to do” Peter thought to himself.
After about three hours of walking peter ran into a problem, a big brown river that if Peter were to lay down it would take ten of him laying down to make a bridge across it. He would never be able to cross to get to the river, but wait there must be a way for Peter to do it. So then Peter got the idea to set up camp at the edge of the river to figure out how he would get across the river. So then he pulled out his portable tent cube out of his pocket to push the button to pop it up. Peter watched the ten pop up from a pocket size tent to a full size tent. Peter then went inside of the tent and pulled out the stranded wood the tent came with.
Later than night peter had a roaring fire going just as it started to get real cold outside. He then realized that the flow of the river started to slow down faster and faster! Within the hour it had completely stopped. Peter then reached his hand into the river to find it completely solid. Getting excited about being able to continue his journey across the river, Peter closed his tent and got everything ready and started to walk across the frozen river to the other side. Just as he reached the other side, and was getting back to solid land his right foot broke though a still loose part in the river and fell into the river, past the solid part.
Peter pulled his foot out of the river, and realized a familiar smell to the thick brown stuff that covered his leg. It smelled really sweet and sugary with that pleasant smell that only one thing he knew of had, it was chocolate! Before Peter could react to the chocolate on his leg the chilly night cooled it quickly and it soon froze around his leg. “Great! Now I have a cast of chocolate.” He mused. After pealing all of the chocolate off of his leg he took a knife and cut a little piece out of the solid top of chocolate that the river had.
It was the most smooth, soft, and sweet, chocolate that he had ever tasted, and it melted in his mouth slowly as he ate it, it was so good that Peter wanted to take some for himself; he wanted to take it on the rest of his journey. But no, he couldn’t, take it remembering how the chocolate was during the heat of the day. So the Peter set up camp again on the other side of the river and this time went inside for a nice long night of sleep.
“Well so much for sleep” Peter whispered in the morning “It’s like 100º already and its only 7:00 am!” So Peter decided that the heat woke him up already and that he should set off to continue his adventure. So Peter walked on and on though the heat. He didn’t even know what the Hornet Cave ooks like, or were it even is, everything looks the same in this dessert, all brown. After a few hours, Peter couldn’t remember how many, he finally started to get thirsty.
Peter therefore checked to realize that he forgot water! Out of all of the things to forget in a dessert this was the worst. Peter started looking around seeing if he can find anything at all to drink, but all he could see was brown for miles and miles. Peter was forced to head on hoping to find something soon.
A few hours later still nothing, and now at midday the heat was raging. “It.. must… be like.. 120º right now” Peter forced out of his dry mouth,
still walking forward. Then Peter walked a few more steps and collapsed onto the ground the hot sand burning his bare knees and shins. With what little he had left Peter opened his tent and went inside it to hide himself from the sun. After crawling into the tent Peter fell asleep on the floor in five minutes time, completely exhausted and sun burnt.
A chill went though Peter’s body as he woke up on the floor on his tent still extremely thirsty. He then stood up still stiff from lying on the floor, his entire body is sore, and sun burnt from the day before. “It gets very hot during the day; therefore maybe traveling during the day was not such a good idea.” Peter realized. Then he opened up the tent to go outside, and when he was turning around to close his tent he noticed something on the tent. The tent, it was soaking wet, completely covered with water! How can this be? But before Peter could sit there to figure out what happened, his thirst over took him and he went into his tent to grab a pan and snot gooded it against the tent. The water easily fell into the pan filling it quickly and Peter greedily gulped it down until the filled pan was once again empty, and then filled it once more.
“I think I figured out how the water gets here, with the change in the temperature so great the water condenses to form a sort of fog at night, and the fog gathered on my tent, as if my tent were a fly trap, it stuck like a magnet.” After the pan was completely filled again Peter heard his stomach growl “Oh great, problem number two, there is no food in this desert.” All Peter had for food was some leftovers from the feast he had with the Sairy’s not two days ago. The food wasn’t really enough to get far, but it was enough to hold off his growling stomach for that night. Peter placed the water filled pot into his tent and closed it, keeping the water in the tent for the next time he may need it. Peter then closed the tent and took the small cube and put it into his pocket, and started walking onward again with one problem out of the way, and one just starting.
Peter walked on all night could see the sun start to rise again, the very first thing he noticed was that it wasn’t near as hot as it was the day before. The first thing that came to mind was that he was nearing an end to the horrid desert and should find the Hornet Cave soon. He couldn’t wait to get to the end maybe there will be food there or even a place were it is a lot colder than what it is in this desert “a more conferrable temperature nice and cold” considered Peter.
Peter went on for another hour in this surprising cooler weather thinking about the best, when all of a sudden something came from the sky
slamming him in the back of his head. This something hit him so hard that it knocked him off his feet throwing his face strait into the hot sand. “What was that?!” he yelped. The first thing that he noticed when his face hit the ground was that the sand that was forced into his mouth tasted sweet just like the chocolate in the river.
He placed his hand on the back of his neck to find some sort of thick goopy stuff in his hair. He placed his fingers in front of him to see what it was to find out that this stuff was brown, and that it also had the sweet smell of chocolate. “What kind of place is this? Chocolate land? I have been searching for something eat yet all of the time I could of eaten this, how odd.” So Peter got up enlightened by this new line of knowledge, then another drop came hitting him in the back end of his knee forcing his knees to buckle under the pressure once again throwing him strait into the sand again.
With his knee throbbing and a bump starting to form on his head, Peter looked up to see a quickly blacking sky. Now knowing how painful the drops are due to there speed he panicked, trying to find some form of shelter to hide under so he wouldn’t get a letter on his gravestone “killed by the rain”. He could start hear the weird rain zipping past him crushing into the sand.
Peter kept on running until he felt his foot slip and his body fall into some sort of sink hole. “Well at least I’m safe in hear from the rain” he considered, at least until he felt something wet grab his left leg and yank him downward. Peter could feel himself being thrown though many layers of earth until he hit some sort of solid ground again.
The thing that was grabbing his leg let go of it and Peter stood up. He looked around to see that this was a dimly lit tunnel with the sun coming though small holes like the one that he fell from. A loud dinosaur roar came from the far end and then Peter could hear a large thing thrashing towards him. Peter’s animal instant took over and Peter started to run in the opposite direction of the creature that was charging towards him.
In the midst of running Peter lost his balance and grabbed onto the wall the regain his balance as the monster thrashed closer towards him. The wall then turned like an old fashion trap door in a castle with Peter still hanging on it throwing him into an unlit room. Peter heard the monster thrashing past him near the wall were he once was not 15 seconds ago.
“The Flashlight!” was his first thought as he dug though his pockets to try and find it. He was having a hard time finding the right cube until he finally found the triangle which he was sure was the standard flashlight shape and opened it. Poof, out cam a flashlight and then he turned it on to see what was inside this pitch black mysterious room that he stumbled into.
