This is a story I have begun work on of the before earth times, and I would like some feedback on this first part. I am hoping to lead up to the eventual creation of earth, and I might include some allainces that started on it or before earth....although I will only do this if asked by that allaince
Here is an excerpt from the story: (Note that the Universal clock is the number of years the universe has existed, and the system clock is the age of the current system YYY.M.DD-HOUR. If you think I should mention this somewhere in the story so as to avoid confusion then please tell me so.)
The data contained in this tome is a record of the events and battles leading up to the destruction of the planet Colmar and its inhabitants; and how the galaxy and many of its worlds came into being. This book will also go to great lengths to describe the final battle that took place between the Grand Empire and the Machine like race of Varaxians as accurately as possible; I hope you enjoy.
Captains log from the scout class battle cruiser Rollover, located in the far reaches of the Sethiarian planetary system.
Universal Clock: 387,149, 364, 581 System Clock: 122.3.11-9
The Rollover left the refueling station on the system base planet Farsight V at time 122.3.3. We have been forced out of non-linear space and are inquiring into this problem, the technician tells me there may be something wrong with the field stabilizer; and we should have any problems repaired in under a day. With any luck we will reach the new frontier world F-3977 within one week; pending any other technical malfunctions.
Universal Clock: 387 149 364 581 System Clock: 122.3.11-22
It has been thirteen hours since we were forced out of non-linear space, supposedly by a field stabilizer malfunction. The chief engineer now tells me this is not the case; as we have been unable to find any evidence of a malfunction whatsoever. Failing to find any problems with our equipment, we have turned to scanning the small planetoid and asteroid field in the region. However the entire ship will have to wait until these scans are completed; as we still cannot power our quantum drive engine without immediately being torn back into normal space.
Universal Clock: 387 149 364 581 System Clock: 122.3.12-11
The scan results have finally been processed; and we are currently piloting our ship towards what appears to be a rip in normal space, located deep within the asteroid field. Due to the increasing density of the asteroids the farther we get into the field; the slower we must proceed. Much of the crew has decided that it is most likely a black hole; however our scans indicate it is incredibly stable and there is very little gravity being generated by the object.
Universal Clock: 387 149 364 581 System Clock: 122.3.12-19
--WARNING-- [HEAVY FLEET REINFORCMENTS REQUIRED, POSSIBLE VARAXIAN TARGETS DETECTED. RECCOMED CLASS 1 STRIKE FORCE BE SENT ASAP]
It has been only a few hours since we broke through the asteroids, bursting out from the many space rocks into a truly terrifying sight. There were fifty-three destroyer class starships and fourteen fully outfitted battle cruisers. The ships were being used to support and stabilize a large tear in three dimensional space; which seemed to be spewing out even more scout and destroyer class vessels from its colorless gaping maw. The ships quickly fired multiple boarding craft, and in a manner of minutes our shields and much of our armor plating had been discharged or burned off and forced into molten slag by many high output energy weapons and multiple fusion core rockets. After this the innumerable boarding craft stormed the ship, battering down whatever remaining defenses with relentless wave after relentless wave. It was then that I gave the order to force all available power into the communications systems, hoping that this message will manage to slip thorough their jamming and the tomb like asteroid field that surrounds us. Even now they weld open the bridge doors; and all of our men prepare to fight to the death. I will give the self destruct order in need be; they will not take this ship alive. Gregory Hoffersman, captain of the Rollover.
{FOOTNOTE: SEE ATTACHED BATTLE DATA (INCOMPLEATE?)]
Please note that there is more to the story at the moment, and that the log is not actually connected to the first paragraph/intro.
