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Title: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Charlemagne on April 03, 2006, 10:19:36 PM Ok everyone! Step right up! This here is the OFFICIAL Monty Python thread!!! So go ahead and post quotes or anything Python and someone will answer!
Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: mrtimbr549 on April 03, 2006, 10:27:14 PM Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Let the heathen spill theirs, On the dusty ground, God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. Every sperm is wanted, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighborhood. Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Charlemagne on April 03, 2006, 10:30:58 PM Right! I'm sorry, luvs, but I can't suport you all any longer. You're all going to be sold off for medical experiments.
Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: ars68 on April 03, 2006, 10:37:43 PM --If you want to pass through here ALIVE, then we must demand an offering.
an offering of... a SHRUBBERY! and if you do NOT bring to us this SHRUBBERY, then we shall say NI to you until you are no more. --I am sorry, but I could not find it. --NOOOO!!!! do not say that WORD!! --what word? how can I not say it unless I know what it is? --YOU HAVE SAID THE WORD AGAIN!!! (paraphrased) Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: mrtimbr549 on April 03, 2006, 11:00:37 PM HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...
ARTHUR: Oh, stop it! KNIGHTS OF NI: ...we cannot hear! HEAD KNIGHT: Ow! He said it again! ARTHUR: Patsy! HEAD KNIGHT: Wait! I said it! I said it! [clop clop clop] Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh! KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Charlemagne on April 04, 2006, 09:25:53 PM Judean People's Front Crack Suicide Squad.... attack!!! *stabs themselves* We... showed them... didn't we?
Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Charlemagne on January 04, 2007, 04:37:52 PM In this picture there are 40 people. None of them can be seen. In this film we hope to show <i>you</i> how not to be seen.
Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Seither on January 04, 2007, 07:42:34 PM NI!
(It's the only Monty Python quote I know.....having never seen it myself) Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Silverthorne on January 05, 2007, 02:16:08 AM Peasant 1: Who's that there?
Peasant 2: I don't know... Must be a king... Peasant 1: Why? Peasant 2: He hasn't got poop all over him. =============================================================== Brother Maynard: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." ======================================================== Zoot: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me! All: And me! And me too! And me! Zoot: Yes! Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! Title: Re: MONTY PYTHON Post by: Lammalord on January 11, 2007, 10:12:37 PM i watched "and now for something else"
was the stubidest movie i have ever seen... Colonel (Graham Chapman): get some discipline into those chaps, Sergeant Major! Sargeant (John Cleese, shouting throughout): Right sir! Good evening, class. All (mumbling): Good evening. Sargeant: Where's all the others, then? All: They're not here. Sgt.: I can see that. What's the matter with them? All: Dunno. Chapman (member of class): Perhaps they've got 'flu. Sgt.: Huh! 'Flu, eh? They should eat more fresh fruit. Ha. Right. Now, self-defence. Tonight I shall be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit. (Grumbles from all) Palin: Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit this week. Sgt.: What do you mean? Jones: We've done fruit the last nine weeks. Sgt.: What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh? Palin: Can't we do something else? Idle (Welsh): Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick? Sgt.: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit... All: We done the passion fruit. Sgt.: What? Chapman: We done the passion fruit. Palin: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit... Jones: Whole and segments. Palin: Pomegranates, greengages... Chapman: Grapes, passion fruit... Palin: Lemons... Jones: Plums... Chapman: Mangoes in syrup... Sgt.: How about cherries? All: We did them. Sgt.: Red *and* black? All: Yes! Sgt.: All right, bananas. (All sigh.) Sgt.: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless. Palin: Suppose he's got a bunch. Sgt.: Shut up. Idle: Suppose he's got a pointed stick. Sgt.: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot. Chapman: 'Arrison. Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that, that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me! Come at me then! (Shoots him.) Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.) Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.) ______________________________________________________________________________________________ A Hungarian tourist (John Cleese) approaches the clerk (Terry Jones). The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book. Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched. Clerk: Sorry? Hungarian I will not buy this record, it is scratched. Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's. Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this *tobacconist's*, it is scratched. Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco...um...cigarettes (holds up a pack). Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels. Clerk: Sorry? Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)...is full of eels (pretends to strike a match). Clerk: Ahh, matches! Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant...do you waaaaaant...to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy? Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right. Hungarian: You great poof. Clerk: That'll be six and six, please. Hungarian: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I...I am no longer infected. Clerk: Uh, may I, uh...(takes phrase book, flips through it)...Costs six and six...ah, here we are. (speaks weird Hungarian-sounding words) Hungarian punches the clerk. Meanwhile, a policeman (Graham Chapman) on a quiet street cups his ear as if hearing a cry of distress. He sprints for many blocks and finally enters the tobacconist's. Cop: What's going on here then? Hungarian: Ah. You have beautiful thighs. Cop: (looks down at himself) WHAT?!? Clerk: He hit me! Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait 'til lunchtime. (points at clerk) Cop: RIGHT!!! (drags Hungarian away by the arm) Hungarian: (indignantly) My nipples explode with delight! (scene switches to a courtroom. Characters are all in powdered wigs and judicial robes, except publisher and cop. Characters: Judge: Terry Jones Bailiff: Eric Idle Lawyer: John Cleese Cop: Graham (still) Publisher: Michael Palin ) Bailiff: Call Alexander Yalt! (voices sing out the name several times) Judge: Oh, shut up! Bailiff: (to publisher) You are Alexander Yalt? Publisher: (in a sing-songy voice) Oh, I am. Bailiff: Skip the impersonations. You are Alexander Yalt? Publisher: I am. Bailiff: You are hereby charged that on the 28th day of May, 1970, you did willfully, unlawfully, and with malice of forethought, publish an alleged English-Hungarian phrase book with intent to cause a breach of the peace. How do you plead? Publisher: Not guilty. Bailiff: You live at 46 Horton Terrace? Publisher: I do live at 46 Horton terrace. Bailiff: You are the director of a publishing company? Publisher: I am the director of a publishing company. Bailiff: Your company publishes phrase books? Publisher: My company does publish phrase books. Bailiff: You did say 46 Horton Terrace, did you? Publisher: Yes. Bailiff: (strikes a gong) Ah! Got him! (lawyer and cop applaud, laugh) Judge: Get on with it, get on with it. Bailiff: That's fine. On the 28th of May, you published this phrase book. Publisher: I did. Bailiff: I quote on example. The Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my bum." scene switches to a street corner Characters Cop: Graham Hungarian tourist: John Cleese Hungarian: Please fondle my bum. Cop: Humm, Umm, Ahh yes, go to the light and cross then go about 200 feet |